I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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