Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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