i already hear my dad disowning me
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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