Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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