I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
