your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
