I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
