I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
