Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
