didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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