My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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