I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
