Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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