I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
