Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
