I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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