So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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