I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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