I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
