New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
