Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Randomize