**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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