Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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