im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
it's like heaven, but drunker
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Randomize
