if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
