he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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