I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
