he thought i was a dude.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
