you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I don't deserve a penis
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
