im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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