loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
