life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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