im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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