The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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