and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
