I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
