you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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