Yo dont text me then not text me
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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