you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
