Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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