I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
