I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
