So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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