I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
