Define "chronic" masturbator.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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