I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize