ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Randomize
