need another drink. this is the easiest way
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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