dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
