I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
