When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Need sex. Gaining weight.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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