Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm just crazy horny about you
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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