If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
