Christians are straight up FREAKS
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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