I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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