Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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