i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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