My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Michael Bay diarrhea
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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