Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Is Oprah even human
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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