you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
