Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
